Closing - the kiss close and the number close
Back to the Table of Contents
The conversation with the girl is going well, but eventually it has to end. Either she has to go or you have to go or you just feel you can't keep it up at the same heights anymore and need to stop before you stall. So what are the best ways closing? (A close by the way is not a "Bye, it was nice meeting you", you'll have to extract something out of your interaction with the girl, either her phone-number, a promise for a new meeting, a kiss, better yet - all of those things:). Here are a few examples.
You: "Why don't we continue this somewhere else and see how much we can enjoy each other's company?"
In response she might offer a change of venue (if she mumbles "your place or mine?", then boy! either she's real easy or you're real good:), but more probably she's gonna offer a phone number so the two of you can set up a meeting later over the phone. Notice, that you didn't ASK for her phone number, it was her idea to give it to you, thus framing you in her mind very differently from when you would have asked for the number. The first instance creates in her mind a picture of "I gave him my number… which must mean I like him" while the second creates an opposite picture of "He asked for my number…. which must mean he likes me… yawn, yeah he's nice, next!":)
You: "So..what steps would we have to take in order to make sure we can talk again?" If a change of venue is highly unlikely, this one is a more direct wake-up call for her to usher you her number.
You: "I have an intuition… and I don't know if you can imagine this as I describe it… that when we get a chance to talk without time pressures or interruptions… we'll really enjoy each other's company… and I'm wondering if there's a number where you feel comfortable having me call you?"
"Let's do xxx together. I'll call you"
"But you don't have my number!"
"Oh that's right! (pull out a pen)"
An example of Mystery's #close (the girl is already quite eager though and the #close is a formality, but beautifully handled nevertheless:): "Well, when we go blading you have to wear your gear cause I love the hills." She nods so I add, "for this to happen you have to ask me a question." She blurts out, "can I have your #?" I say, "wow you come on strong! Are you always this bold?" She says, "yes" I act "impressed" and say, "how bout we trade #s ... fair?".
Update. A variation of the above. Mystery, Clifford's Seduction Newsletter:
You: "Well... now that we've set up a meeting, there's a question you need to ask me."
You: "Oh come on!"
Girl: "What's your phone number?"
Update. Example 6
(Taken from "Sweep women off their feet...":) "Just abruptly look at your watch if you're wearing one, or if you don't have one ask for the time right in the middle of your conversation. Once you get the time make up an excuse that you have to go right away. Be polite and tell her how much you enjoyed this conversation and that it was your pleasure to meet someone like her and walk away.
Just as she will be all confused about what is going on, wondering if she said something to offend you or if perhaps you don't like her because you didn't ask her out or you didn't even ask for her phone number, come back as though you forgot something and say:
"You know what? If we ever wanted to do this again, and laugh and have a good time together we don't even know how to get a hold of each other. And that would be such a tragedy. It would be a definite loss for me, but perhaps if you think about it and realize how much you enjoy having intriguing conversations, laughing and having a good time, you will know that it would be a loss for you too. So, what do you figure we should do about it?"
The answer is obvious. But if she doesn't offer you her phone number right now while you still maintain this sense of urgency as you have to leave, ask her for it directly."
Update. Example 7
If however you don't have the time / can't come up with anything to construct a situation for her to offer you her number, or you have offered all sorts of opportunities ("So what should we do in order for us to be able to continue this discussion some other time?" "Um... I dunno?") but she just doesn't take the hint - ask for her number directly.
- "I don't mean to be direct, but can I have your phone number."
- "You can't leave...You haven't given me your phone number yet!"
- "Give me your number", then hand a pen and a notebook (that simple?:).
Update. Example 8
Johnny Shack (http://showgirls.com.au): "You should say "I think you're
a great girl and I think we would get along
really well. Now if I didn't come and talk with you, which may seem a bit
cocky, we would never get to know each other, so the best thing for me to
do was to come and ask you out. You can't knock that now can you?"
Wait for her reply which will almost definitely be in agreeance with you
and then say: "How about not organising anything now, but give me your phone
number and it will give you some time to think about it and me some time to
plan something for us".
Now don't stand around waiting for her to give you some long winded answer
as to why or why not she will do this. You need to keep your presentation
going by assuming she will give her
number to you. You must ask for her number then and there as though you
expect to get it from her. Even if you don't have a pen and paper ask for
her number and then remember it. Ask her if it is in the phone-book in case
you forget it and then ask what it would be under.
You have already explained why she should give her number to you and
also given her the option in her mind that even if you ring she can still
say no to you. Now that you have done this you need to focus on the phone
number and it will take her mind away from a yes or no answer in regards to
a date. Actually, whether she realises it or not, she really has just
said to you she will go out with you. She may not even realise this at the moment as
you have given her the option that even when you ring she can
say "no", but when it comes to that, she is more or less guaranteed not to decline."
Refining the close
(originally suggested by Mystery) When you do the #close, don't just trade numbers, accompany it with a humorous "But when I call you, I don't want you to answer "Huh? Who? Ah… its you… ee… so… howzit going…", I want you to act really enthusiastic and happy, like "Oh, you called! God I'm so glad!!", ok? Is that a deal?:)" This ends the close on a very light, friendly and positive note plus automatically kick-starts the phone call on that very same note:) Additionally you can end the phone call in the same manner: "So when we meet, I want you to smile, give me a big warm friendly hug and take my hand:) Deal:)?" End the phone call and start the meeting with these and you'll have removed many an obstacle from your path to being one with the girl:)
Update. A line to use when exchanging phone numbers. Mystery, Clifford's Seduction Newsletter: "Is our relationship going be romantic? ...because... I like romance!"
Update. (Taken from "Sweep women off their feet...":) "Whether you are going to call her or vice versa, make sure that you set up a date and time for the call. Don't just say that you'll get in touch sometime soon. Set an exact time for [calling]."
Update. Mystery, ASF: "I will suggest something to do together when I'm closing. I will lead them to give me their # and during that time suggest that the # exchange will lead to more than just the roller blading or whatever we wanted to do together.
When I call, I tell them I have some stuff to take care of and I want her to keep me company - I then get some stuff done with them and go for a quick bite and talk in the car and drop by a friends house and do some little things. No date."
Update. Mystery and Rick, Clifford's Seduciton Newsletter:
"(when a girl is in a rush)
"I understand you're in a hurry... I'm in a hurry as well... But what a lot of people don't
understand is that time constraints are an illusion... I mean... you don't HAVE to leave right now... There will be another cab (or something else, depending on the situation)... Let's finish this (exchange numbers).""
Update. Maxim (http://maximmag.com):
“The best thing he can do is try to make a date off of
our common interests. If we were talking about golf, ‘We
should go to a driving range sometime’ is a great thing
to say. It’s not like the pressure of a date, more like
you’re sports companions. If I want to see you, I’ll pick
up on your invite.
—Phoebe, 32, Westport, Conn.
Politeness is always a good thing. A simple handshake
and ‘I enjoyed meeting you, I’d love to talk to you
again,’ with a suggestion of a specific exhibition or a
show to see is great. That would make me feel like a guy
has it together.
—Aimee, 26, Berkeley, Calif.
If all of a guy’s friends are leaving and he stays
behind to talk to you, there’s suddenly a lot of pressure
on. He should always leave with his friends. He can
simply say he doesn’t want to ditch them, then ask if he
can call me. He comes off like a good pal and not just
someone on the make.
—Diana, 24, New York City”
Whenever possible though, aim for the *close, the #close will follow naturally plus it'll have much more meaning for the both of you:)
If you can read body-language fairly well, you'll know when the girl is receptive or ready or even waiting for a kiss close:) She'll let you touch her without resistance, touches you in return, wets her lips slightly and/or looks at your lips, especially when you are aobut to depart (be observat though, they're doing it subconsciously and generally don't want to let you in on their already aroused little fantasies about you:).
But there are a number of situations, where things are not that clear, you're not sure if she is in the mood or things have not been too going well etc. The dumbest thing to do here is to leave without actually finding out ("Ok, bye now, was nice meeting you"), this applies even if you did the #close ("Ok, well, I'll call you…" etc). Of course, you have to pick your situations - for example you can't start asking for a *close in front of her friends or relatives (she might even be dying to kiss you, but she just can't do it in front of others - that's why extracting her / separating her from the others is so important) - but you should always aim for the *close nevertheless.
Don't use a "Can I kiss you?" line - its indicative of your supplicating tendencies and puts her too much on a pedestal from which its easy for her to reject you. Instead, use the Mystery-style "Would you like to kiss me:)?" and go for the kiss if the response is anything but a blatant "NO!". Don't expect a "yes", you'll hardly ever get it (but if you did, you can fairly safely assume the same answer to a "would you like to make love to me?":). But the lack of an outright refusal ("I don't know…") usually means that she really would like to kiss you, but she's just processing the situation as kissing has both social and personal implications and she's not quite ready or its not a comfortable place for her to do it etc, but never mind all that, say "Let's find out" and go for the kiss - she'll enjoy it:) If the reply however is a "NO!", then do a Mystery-style followup: "Gee, you sure wrecked a moment, I bet your previous BFs must have really hated that about you..." Its a good neg to make her re-evaluate her position and usually you will be able to proceed with her the next time you try (note the importance of persistence here!:).
Update. Veroxii, ASF: "After doing some fluff-talk with a girl and getting some rapport and light kino going, I ask her if she likes local or foreign guys better, because I prefer foreign girls over local girls (which is a lie!:). Then after her "But why?" I tell her it's because
local girls don't know how to kiss properly. I think you guys can see where I'm going with this... After a little bit of an argument (because they actually do kiss quite well), I just grab her and say "so let's
find out!" and give her the full tongue action. Sidenote: you need to have at least some kino going before this, or she might freak out."
Update. SirMoby, ASF: "I always ask the HBs "Do you like ice cream?" Of course they say "Yes" and ask "Why do you ask?" I explain that women that don't like ice cream probably kiss with their mouth closed and that the women of [insert the homeland of the HB here] seem to have no passion. They immediately come back about how passionate they are. I usually get an open mouth kiss in a few minutes and they also start telling me about their passions.
Proceeding instead of closing
Comment / Contribute / Update