Appendix Six
HOW TO SWIFTLY DETECT AND ELIMINATE WOMEN
WHO ARE WACKOS, LOW-LIFES, CRAZIES AND SCUM
I wish the world were fair. If it were, I wouldn't be sitting here writing
this. I'd be a an independently wealthy multi-millionaire playboy, on my own
beautiful tropical island, surrounded by the entire UCLA Women's Volleyball
team thinking up new ways to be nice to me.
Ahemm.
But life ISN'T fair. And one of the most unfair realities is that MOST of
the women you meet are not going to be decent, intelligent, together pinnacles
of love, joy and self-esteem, dying to meet you and fulfill your life in every
way possible.
Nope. Most women are seriously dinged in one way or another.
Maybe it's the impossible expectations of society that does it. Maybe it's
the horrible early training or just biology. Whatever the reason, it is a
fact you must be prepared for.
So many times I would fall head over heels in love with a woman just
because she had a few characteristics I really liked. I think I did it
because I truly do like people and enjoy the feeling of liking someone.
But man, did I get my head kicked in.
Tattoo this on the inside of your eyelids: Just because a woman is
gorgeous or fun or smart or (fill in your favorite here) doesn't say BEANS
about her character.
Many women with great personalities have terrible characters. I've met
women who are witty, brilliant and tons of fun and GORGEOUS to boot who would
have no second thought about stealing you blind in a second. Or doing
whatever whim crossed their mind at the moment.
These ladies live by one rule: I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS I
ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE IT AT THE MOMENT.
Charming flakes like this can really put your head (not to mention other
parts) through the ringer.
Then their are ladies with great personalities, great characters, and even
great looking. But they have one small problem:
THEY HATE SEX!
That's right. If you've ever read George Orwell's classic book, l984, you
know how the totalitarian government did it's level best to discourage people
from enjoying sex. They were successful to such an extent that people viewed
sex as they would a disgusting minor medical procedure like having an enema or
popping a boil.
They even had a group for youngsters called THE JUNIOR ANTI-SEX LEAGUE.
Well, l984 may have been fiction, but the JASL isn't. I've used to date
many of it's members!
The best way to deal with all of these various varieties of low-life
females is to take the same tact you'd take with cancer: EARLY DETECTION AND
SWIFT REMOVAL.
To aid you in detection, I've designed what I call rather modestly the
JEFFRIES UPRIGHT/ UPTIGHT SCALE. It allows you to quickly size up a girl to
let you know if she's got relationship potential or if she deserves no more
than having one of the "quick-lay" strategies pulled on her.
The vertical scale measures her enjoyment of sex. Not necessarily
performance, but enthusiasm and genuine pleasure she gets out of it.
Naturally, you'd want someone with a low "uptight score."
The horizontal scale measures her character, how "upright" she is. Lots of
things go into this: is she warm? Does she treat people, especially strangers,
with respect? DOES SHE DO WHAT SHE SAYS SHE WILL? Is she honest?
This last is most important. I once worked with a girl who I consider to
be one of my models for uprightness. In addition to her regular job, which
she worked with me, she sold certain door to door kitchenware/soap products.
She knew I had an incredible crush on her, and would buy anything she slapped
down in front of my face.
Believe me, lots and LOTS of ladies would not have hesitated to take
advantage of this. But not Lisa. After talking to me for awhile, she realized
that I really didn't need her products and she wouldn't let me buy them! She
said she didn't feel right about making a sale to someone who could get a
cheaper product that would do the same job for the particular need they had!
That, my friends, is integrity and UPRIGHTNESS.
Other qualities that go into this: Is she a giver? And, just as
importantly, can SHE receive good things from YOU? Without feeling
uncomfortable about it? One of the sure signs that you've got a sicko on your
hands is she can't accept someone's being good to her.
Someone once described a good friend of mine this way: "She's really great
to anyone who can take it."
Pick a girl who can take it.
When you meet a lady, size her up as the two of you spend time together,
and try to put her on the uptight/upright scale.
Here are some early tell-tale behavioral cues to let you know you're
dealing with someone who is NOT going to get a favorable spot on the scale:
She talks about sex on the first date. Any woman who does this either
has no class, or, far more frequently, is a prickteaser. If a woman talks
about sex on the first date, or even pulls out a dirty drawing or photograph
to show you (believe me, I've had it happen) don't get hot and bothered! This
is a sign of a sicko, believe me! Your best response is to act a trifle
shocked and say, "I think talking about these kind of things with someone you
hardly know is kind of vulgar, don't you?" Or, even more effective, "You know
I find people who have to talk about sex right off the bat usually have a real
problem with it!"
That will REALLY PUT HER IN HER PLACE. She may even try to prove you
wrong, by fucking you later that night. But generally speaking, you've got a
JASL member on your hands and are best off calling it an early evening. Tell
her you forgot that you have to drive out of town really early the next day
for a Three Stooges convention. Have some fun with it, but forget her, FAST!
She keeps you waiting a long time when you go to pick her up or does
something else that is darn rude either at the beginning of the date or later
on.
Maybe she'll pull a flaky stunt like having you wait in the living room,
while she makes a quick call. Then she'll get on the phone and chat with a
girlfriend for an hour or so.
Women like this are looking for a man who's going to ABUSE THEM
EMOTIONALLY. They are testing you right off the bat to see if you'll be
patient and understanding and if you are, YOU ARE OUT! She ideally would like
you to pull the phone out of the wall, grab her by the hair and either drag
her out the door or walk out, with her running after you.
If the chick pulls something like that, you have to make a decision.
Either give her what she wants, by aggressively telling her what an asshole
she is and turning to walk out in which case she'll fall in love with you
right then and there. Or, decide she's not worth wasting the time, wave
politely, and get lost. Or, wait patiently for her to finish the call and
then skip the date and screw the chick right there, using a quick-lay hypnosis
strategy. She certainly doesn't deserve any better treatment!
By the way, you may find it quite a mind-expanding trip to play the abusive
asshole just once in your life! It is a far weirder and more mind blowing
experience than any drug you might ever use - it's like being a new person,
being reborn in a new personality and body. Try it, if only to see what it is
like and to add to your personal flexibility.
She starts talking about her past boyfriends or other guys she's
currently dating. This is more easily dealt with and not necessarily cause to
relegate her to the "lowlife" category. Just tell her you'd really rather not
hear about it. This will establish you as having some balls and then you will
have passed her little test.
She drinks or uses drugs to excess. If she gets riotously drunk every
time you go out, consider the fact that you may have an alcoholic on your
hands. Sure, they can be fun for a while, but I personally would rather not
be with a woman who loves Jack Daniels more than she does Ross Jeffries.
She does not keep appointments or commitments. I don't know how
"flakes" are manufactured; I suspect that they were raised by parents who put
enormous pressures on them to perform on cue, so now they have a polarity
response and refuse to do anything unless they feel like it at the moment! If
a woman doesn't do as she says she will, dump her or use a "quick-lay"
strategy.
She asks for a favor BEFORE you've even gone out! Maybe she needs a
ride, or some money, or even her car washed.
To hell with these evil little Nazi douche-bag exploitation queens. Fuck
and dump time, good buddy! And DON'T DO HER THE FAVOR. TELL HER YOU'LL DO IT
AFTER YOU GO OUT!
In summation, I'm no bible thumper, but scripture does say something very,
very wise on the subject:
"A good woman, who can find her? Her price is beyond pearls."
Use the uptight/upright scale, and get yourself a STRAND OF THEM!
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